24331八马心水论坛· 】第144期跑狗图

2020-02-03 18:43:15 官方地址: 浏览次数 708598
字体大小: 14px 16px 18px
How ca

n Ed Miliband be a goofy geek AND a ruthless Romeo?On the one hand, Ed Miliband is a nuke-hating, socially awkward, bacon mismasticator who cant be trusted with cutlery. And on the other, hes a ruthless, pow

er-crazed, Machiavellian figure with the knife skills of Macbeth, the family loyalty of Scar from the Lion King, and the same perpetual state of arousal as a footballer on home-cooked meth. The two stories of Ed are running side-by-side and must, surely, be mutually exclusive. How can an

yone have the strategy to massage the unions into a block vote that robs your older brother of his long-held dream while also being so inept they cant be relied upon to chew? Poor Ed: The original picture which sparked the flurry of pictures mocking the politician (Image: Eyevine) How, logically

, can one man go through the female population like a hot knife through butter and earn himself the nickname Ed Milibonk if all he can talk about is deflation? Well, he cant, of course. But according to the Tories and those parts of the wo

rld which repeat what they hear without letting it pass through their brains first, the Labour leader is all of that. If the Tories are right, Vladimir Putin wouldnt know which Ed he was dealing with. Rainman or rampant love god? So difficult to invade either. The EU would do whatever he tells it, so long as he smarms the French and spanks the Danes. Heck, perhaps America could be persuaded to cough up 239 years of back taxes if he pulls a Forrest Gump face. Momma said life is lahk progressive taxation for yall. If thats true then Ed Miliband might well be a tool, but a very useful one to have around. Multi-purpose. More of a Swiss Army knife than a spoon, anyway. But no man could be capable of such wildly divergent characteristics. So either his wirings come loose and the robots gone rogue, OR we are witnessing the collision of many parallel universes in which multiple Eds are converging to make one giant super-Ed, OR the Tories are bricking it. Quick! Animals! Its always worked before! (Image: PA) Eds personal approval ratings are edging ahead of David Camerons for the first time. Labour are doing better than the Tories in an increasing number of polls. And it seems the more hes attacked, the more popular he becomes. Sort of like Robin Hood, but without the tights. The poll showing his personal stock had soared came after he announced plans to tackle wealthy non-doms - a plan the Tories said was confused and counter-productive. The polls showing Labour is on the rise came after the leader debates that Ed was widely accused of losing. And its all DESPITE the fact the mans got two kitchens. Thats one more than yow (Image: Getty) The

attacks are just spreading Eds appeal - telling more people about the non-dom policy, which half of all Tory and Lib Dem voters support, creating sympathy, and broadening perceptions of what Eds like. There are people who think a ruthless bastard is the best sort of person to run a country. There are some who think brainy people are best. Theres an awful lot who think the brother thing was five years ago and move along the bus, please. And if you make a meal about all that you simply find a few more who think perhaps Ed isnt just the weirdo on the evening news after all. When your opponent has multiple culinary options, the looks of Mr Bean and the kind of spin machine which makes a 20-year-old rust-crazed Zanussi look efficient it shouldnt be this difficult for the Tories to land a punch. And after all, they have incumbency on their side. They look like a government because they are a government, whereas Labour find it harder to agree on which line to take than a stag party on the Underground at midnight. The Tories have more money, better strategists, more a

ccess to civil servants and actual facts and figures, and theyre STILL worried. But if you believe that someone with a romantic history shouldnt run a country, whys Boris Johnson considered a future leader? If you think that heartless bastards shouldnt run the economy, how come the Tories let bankers and billionaires do it? If nukes are so good, why dont we fire them more often? And if you think that we should pick leaders according to how they look while eating, why in the name of sanity is George Osborne a thing? You wouldnt be able to keep the starter down, would you? Im no fan of Ed Miliband. I think hes proven himself to be indecisive, disconnected, and so terrified of scrutiny he bans journalists from large chunks of the campaign trail. Not his private life - hes quite happy to get his children out and wave them around for the cameras - but the election itself, that short bit of his job where hes asking people to vote for him, and where journalists, even the unfriendly ones, have good reason to be. The most telling reason I can think of not to vote for him is that when he called Diane Abbott into his office to sack her in his 2013 reshuffle, he asked her: Do you think Im doing the right thing, Diane? Id have rolled my eyes too Diane Abbott is one of the rudest people Ive ever met. She was a constant thorn in his side and never did as she was told. That made her about as sackable as its possible to be, and he still wasnt certain. He might be very clever, he might be dynamite between the sheets, but if he stops to ask Diane Abbotts opinion about the price of fis

h then hes not the chap for me. When politics fails it gets personal. None of th

em - Farage, Miliband, Cameron or Clegg - can complain about personal attacks when theyve so failed to come up with any new ideas that picking over kitchens is all were left with. The average voter cant distinguish between the parties in any other way -

education, Trident, fuel security, the NHS - their policies are so similar, with differences so slight, that when a party like UKIP comes along saying HEY THE 1950s WERE SO GOOD theyre taken seriously rather than laughed out of town. The 1950s: Great unless you were a woman, or black, or Irish, or poor Ed is part of that failure. He kept his party together but failed to change its tune. He nicked a job off his brother but failed to make us believe in him as much as he does. And after five years of failing to stick it to the Tories and failing to make a policy announcement that survives past tea-time, hes failed to convince anyone theres more to talk about than what kind of person he is. If Ed loses this election, itll be blamed on personal attacks and theyll get used again. If Ed wins, itll be because the personal attacks created sympathy. Personality will become the lingua franca of every election even more than it is now, and itll mean another five years of bacon sandwich jokes. Eds not hateful enough to lose and not admirable enough to win. Maybe on May 8 those parallel universes will spiral off so theres one reality where hes PM, another where hes on the dole, and a third where he takes over from Johnny Rockard on the Bristol porn scene. Only one thing will be true in all possible futures: if you judge them on what they say, we all lose. So judge them on what they do, instead. Please? Particularly this chap (Image: Reuters) poll loa

dingEd Miliband: Would you?0+ VOTES SO FARHELL YESHELL NO

Copyright © 1998 - 2015